I wish this post would serve the purpose of inspirations to the all of you.
I believe, when one's deprived of something since young, that something would work as his/her measure of success in the future. As for me, that something, would be social acceptance. Regarding the things I've done to blend in the UK, all of which, really require me to step out of my comfort zone, to be someone else rather than myself.
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I touched down in the UK w enormous positive energy and enthusiasm. I literally smiled at everyone as I walked out from the airport custody, and everyone happily reciprocated w a smile. I was so excited, I could feel my blood flowing through my veins, delirious over this kind of friendly phenomenon that you don't always get in Malaysia.
I thought my life here would turn out as awesome as it was back in Malaysia. But high hopes can only lead to greater fall.
Long story cut short.
No one whom I went out w to freshers' parties ever call me out again.
I failed to register for my O2 online package because I wasn't able to understand British accent over the phone.
I was only as good as a 'party photographer' to the locals.
I even had to point at the menu to tell the fella that I want a BIG MAC.
The only friends that I have over the period, was a bunch of Spanish people who have only a fairly good command of English. And the fact that they are even hanging out w me was because I speak better English than them.
In spite of the effort I put forth to adapt , nothing has really improved a tad bit. I've spent countless of hours to brush up my English, I've memorised countless of jokes on google, I've offered countless of my precious cigarette to every smoking beings I have encountered, but no amount of which has gotten me to anywhere.
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And at one point, I lost all my confidence. I was pretty devastated. I started to avoid everyone, as much as I could. I basically lived off the grid, If I hadn't have to eat/pee, I would never leave my room. My life, at that point, was PATHETIC.
Until one day as I was stewing in my own juice, a good Spanish friend of mine, Alvaro came into my room, and started talking to me.
Alvaro: 'Yang, do you want to go to the gym?'
YgGuo: ' Nah, at this time the gym is filled w people.'
Alvaro: 'Ok. We are going out tonight. Do you want to join us?'
YgGuo: 'Nah, I'm doing something, I'm staying in.'
He frowned.
Alvaro: 'What are you doing?'
He got me. I was doing absolutely nothing at all.
YgGuo: 'I was watching a movie. Haha!'
Alvaro: 'Cmon Yang. We haven't hung out for a long time. It's going to be fun!'
YgGuo: ' Nah... I'll pass... Sorry, maybe next time.'
Alvaro: 'You know what, I really don't know what happened to you. The first time I met you, you had fucking beers in your room.'
And he just stormed out.
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I was stunned. His words hit me so hard, that my senses came back all to me. I realised, however it may have turned out to be, however the people out there looked upon me, I know clearly myself that I am never the kind of guy who: doesn't wanna meet new people, sit at home on the weekend to watch a movie, and most importantly, the kind of guy who gives up.
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If a person can die and reborn figuratively, then yea, I died and reborn-ed. AHAH
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On that night itself, I've made a vow. On that night itself, I mapped out every strategy in order to achieve what I set out to be. And the next day, after 10 cigs, I ventured out to put all of them into practise:
Every time when I can't understand them, instead of panicking, I'd laugh and say: 'I don't understand you and your stupid British accent!'
Every time when I stammer, instead of trying to disguise my lack of English proficiency, I'd pause and say: 'Wait, let me structure my sentence properly.'
Every time they play w my hair, instead of being like a docile dog, I'd grab their hands and say: 'Hey! Hands off! Or it's 5 quid for ya!'
And I even took up a job in a bar, so I would have more interaction w the locals.
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Today, I can safely tell you that, I've built a stronger bond w my neighbours
I'm no longer intimidated by the locals no more, I love them more than ever.
And I'm actually someone they can have lots of fun w.
And in exactly 9 more days, I will be going to Amsterdam w them.
All of which, really require me to step out of my comfort zone.
Along the throes, there are times where I've been pushed to my limit, and I just want to give up. At times, I feel like I am losing all my senses, and my recklessness seems to be getting the best of me. At times, I make excuses to myself so I would feel less 'guilty' to give up.
But I always keep one thing in mind.
I always remember what I want in my life, and remind myself how my life would be better off if I've achieved it.
And nothing can be derived from dwelling in your own comfort zone. Happiness does not fall within it, it falls somewhere near it.
You just gotta step out and pursue it.