Schizophrenia Disorder

Everyone in this world has his own quirks and eccentricities.

Or maybe it's just a way to make us feel better that we are not mentally ill.

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Here's a lil secret about me,

Whenever I'm involved w a detailed task that requires high concentration and delicacy, up to one point of cognition, another state of my mind will unconsciously emerge, and I'll begin talking to myself. Even right now at this very moment, I'm talking to myself as I'm typing.

To which why I don't do group study, or even go to lecture halls because at that given circumstances I can't possibly ' be myself '. However, most of the time people aren't able to discern it because I got it under control whenever I sense the presence of others around.

Or whenever I stare into space, my own imaginations, my memories relive before my eyes. Walking along the street, I don't see the kid munching on his chocolate, nor do I see the old lady fumbling w her grocery bags. I see myself throwing a basketball into the hoop when I was 5. Sometimes, I see myself working in an Accounting firm, other times I see myself rehearsing all the things I should have said to her back then.

And people freak out because at times I'd give out a laughter out of nowhere when I think about the stupid things I did together w my friends.

I can actually have a proper discussion w this other side of myself. As crazy as it sounds, I kinda like it. Because when I reach that level of concentration, I can literally remember everything I get in touch w forEVER.

Moreover, it gives me a clearer picture of my past mistakes, what I should have said, what I should have done. These flashback becomes the echo of my own voice to stop me from repeating my mistake, and at the same time, reminds me of the blessings in my life, what matters most and what I care about.

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Anyway, I came across w this mental illness. Doesn't it describe all God believers?

Schizophrenia Disorder

This disorder involves a psychotic phase (with delusions, hallucination, bizarre/ disorganized speech and behavior)

Delusion - Have false beliefs or religious persecution, even after other people prove that the beliefs are not true or logical.

Hallucinations - most commonly involve hearing voices others don't. Other less common experiences can include seeing, feeling tasting or smelling that aren't real.

Thought disorder - where speech may be difficult to follow w logical connection.

People who are diagnosed w Schizophrenia has blurred line between the real and the imaginary, and often they are unaware that they are ill. This can be very distressing for the people around them.

Once again, I'm writing this in no offense to anyone. If you are a God person, I'm not insinuating that you are a psycho. I'm just saying that... you could be =]

It says Schizophrenia can be treated. Seek help now!

no hard feelings, cheers*

Gym Gym Gym

This is my gym diet.

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Breakfast: 4 eggs, 100g of cereals, milk

Lunch: 1 can of tuna, peanut butter sandwich, bacon + sausage

Pre-work out: 1 gigantic sweet potato

Post workout: Steak + Creatine +Protein Shake

Dinner: Whatever I cook

After 2 months I've only gained 1 kg. FML

Merry Christmas!

It's snowing outside =]

The Past

That night I was facebook stalking w Ye Vonn and Rianne.

YgGuo: Dude, show me some hot chicks man.

Vonn: I know just a perfect one!

She typed the name and when I saw the name on the search bar, I was shocked. But I kept quiet.

Riri: Oh ya I know her. But too bad for you Ygsik she already has a boyfriend.

Vonn: Yea she's damn decent wan right....

And then they started gossiping and on and on about how decent she is~~~

'Ahem ladies'

They turned and looked at me.

YgGuo: Sorry to disappoint you but I've made out w her before.

They did not believe what I've said. So I clicked on her mutual friends, and I pointed out my name on the list. And then I proceeded to my photo album (which I never upload in my facebook) and dug out the photo I have of her grinding w me.

Their eyes popped.

YgGuo: But it was a long long time ago la...

And then Rianne said the most amazing thing ever:

'Still, I wonder how the boyfriend would react if he sees this man.'

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Everyone has a past. Everyone has a story to tell. And the ugly truth reveals that most of the times, these stories are not very flattering to be told. On top of that, because we can never deal w our past w total honesty, we chose to conceal them, hide them somewhere as deep as possible, in the hopes that in time to come, it would stay off the grid and the stigma would eventually be washed away.

In which has led me to wonder, does her past really matter? Would it change anything?

I've given a lot of thoughts about it. But it's something I'd never find out, or never interested until I have decided to pursue something more from that certain someone. By that I don't mean any chicks I randomly run into, but someone who's accepted, recognised, certified as an official girlfriend.

When truth be told, weather you like it or not, you don't have the rights to be mad at your significant half.

And then here you are, left w two choices. You can live w it all the way or you can just let it go and forget about it. Most people would suggest to get it over and done w, but we all know it's easier said than done. Both of which require long term commitment, weather to put up w it forever, or to make sure it never rekindled again after letting it go.

What happened to the boyfriend (of the facebook girl as mentioned above), I certainly do not want the same thing to happen on me. Imagine one day you walk down the street w your girlfriend, and a random dude across the street whisper to his friends and say: hey! You know that girl beside that hot guy over there?! I used to spread her legs like a scissors for a thousand times!

This kinda thing gross me out. If that ever happened to me, I don't think I'll be able to look at her sacred place the same way I used to again. Maybe that's why guys tend to virgins (even when they are not)

Maybe, it isn't a good thing if we know too much after all. That we are too caught up w our own thoughts and eventually, we become too aware of their past flaws and thats when relationships start to lose its idealistic magic.

Some rather be told the truth and be sad, than being kept in the dark but happy.

Some suggest otherwise, that history should be remained in the past where it belongs. Moreover, ignorance is bliss. Once lost, it's gone you can't retrieve it back.

What is your choice?

The Difference Between STRENGTH and COURAGE

It takes strength to be firm
It takes courage to be gentle

It takes strength to stand guard
It takes courage to let down your guard

It takes strength to conquer
It takes courage to surrender

It takes strength to be certain
It takes courage to have doubt

It takes strength to fit in
It takes courage to stand out

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain
It takes courage to feel your own pain

It takes strength to hide feelings
It takes courage to show them

It takes strength to endure abuse
It takes courage to stop it

It takes strength to stand alone
It takes courage to lean on another

It takes strength to love
It takes courage to be loved

It takes strength to survive
It takes courage to live

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FML

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

Funniest FML I've seen.

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Breathless

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You are so good in hiding your feelings

You'd force a smile even when you are completely broken

Though there are many out there willing to ride through with you

It's pointless to let them know

Because you know deep down

All you really need is not their company

But hers

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But that day will never come

Because you'll never admit

How much they are needed

Because you want them to know that all these while

You are happy without them

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3 Cigs Post

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Life is like a journey.

As much as I wish for it, along the journey there isn't a video camera to capture every precious moment of your life, and for all those moments that passes by, all that's left is a vague memory. And being a very emo person like myself, this is somewhat not disheartening to me because that state of mind helps me perpetuate my memories/ feelings better.

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Which then explains why my blog posts has no relation to my daily doings at all, but mostly based on my feelings, or on the other hand, my point of view about the random stuffs that I talked about, and most of which requires that kinda 'mood' to do it.

So basically when I'm not 'depressed', I don't blog. Or maybe, to be more precise, when I'm 'sober', I just could not come up w anything to blog. And in some manner I'm still very conservative, having too many people entering my private life is not really a thing I fancy much, not even if figuratively.

Moreover, this world is besieged by millions of judging eyes who are too aware of the flaws. Every time when I blog, people tend to think I'm a show off. But I can tell you one thing frankly: I can't help it, because this is what my life is all about, I'm awesome like that.

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Not like I give two shit about how they look upon me. As long as the important ones know the truth, the rest do not really come close into picture.

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Happy birthday Rianne!

Mom always tell me, if you see a right girl, never hesitate to make her pregnant, as it's the best way to keep her w you forever. I heeded that piece of advice well.

So I raped her that night.

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As you can tell from the pic, it was a vigorous one.

My point is, if you knew how awesome she is, you would have raped her too.

A lil about my Rianne here. If you are Sylar (a character in the tv series Heroes), and you have the ability to cut her brain into half by the movement of your finger, you'll come to see two very distinguished parts of her brain, one connects to the reality, the other connects to stuff like unicorn... fairies... butterflies... talking tea pots... magic broom...

How does it manifest?

Every time when I have problems I'd turn to Rianne and as expected of her, she'd treat it like her own problem and give me the best rationalization ever and practical advice, rather than bull crap consolations from those who just pretend to understand you. And the second before you compliment her, you'd change your mind because out of no where she would stare into space and tell you that she wants to be kidnapped by some terrorists, and be rescued by some Korean dude in a suit, then drive off to Paris and ulala in his Lamborghini.

And my poor lil pigheaded darling has some acute guilt issue. Many times, though under no compulsion, she will be willing to go as far as compromising herself to help others, but she will never tell you her problems because she does not want to drag you under. Often I have to deplete all my brain juice to cajole it out of her, and even so she will have her own way to hypnotize me to stay out of it w/o making me feeling bad.

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I call you all the time, simply because I enjoy your company.

I love talking to you about my game, love how you disapprove every single one of them (wow i havent met u but i already like u very very much!!! -misha-), and most importantly, I love how our random topics would drift to much more philosophical conversations, and we'd both ask each other how we get there.

And sometimes, I retain you from going to sleep, wake you up in the middle of the night so you can pee, pass all the insomnia symptoms to you so you would suffer w me, and in some ways I could have been a better friend,

But you do understand how much I love you. If you need anything, if you are in trouble, or even if tomorrow someone knocked you on the street (accidentally or not), you know I'd be on the first train to London and beat the shit out of the mothafucka who did you wrong.

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And I made promise w you one year ahead because I hope in the future, we would still be best friends as we are right now =]

Happy Birthday RiRi!!!

Imma call you now =]

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