LDR

It's not Law of Diminishing Returns. We are talking about long distance relationship.
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Have u ever been very indecisive over choices of your uni, trying hard to change the plan of your life, adjust it to the way so you can have a good grip on your love ones? Do you feel like abandoning all your goals and start making decisions based solely on your love ones? And when you get a grip and come to your senses, you feel like you are fcuking stupid? I do. I have been through it.

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This is my story.

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I met her in a camp to Taiwan. I noticed her in an instant. Sometimes, when you meet someone, before you even know their name, you know that sometime in the future, this person is going to mean something to you. Well, not long after the camp, we got together on 14th march, the white valentine’s day.

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She was everything good. When I needed her most, she never failed to be there for me. She listens to me, respects me and have always been trustworthy and honest. She’d be so understanding that she'll put up with all the flaws in my personalities, accept me for whom I am and never tried to change anything in me. There's not a day that passed by without thinking of her, even now. It's like an everyday kind of thing. When I sat down in a restaurant, i would think about honey lemon tea that we would make fun of; when i walked pass a saloon, i would remember how beautiful her hair is that curls naturally; and during the nights, the last thing in my mind would be wondering if she's sleeping or still staying up late for her assignments.

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Everything started to fade away when she was transited to an Australian uni. Her attention has been dilated towards her new friends, her uni assignments, her new life. I felt neglected and became very upset. And now everytime she showed the slightest of attention, I would drop everything I’m doing because I didn’t want to miss it. I even made up conversations we never had, imagine things we would do if we were together. I’m a fcuking idiot.

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Likewise, since she isn’t where I can keep my eyes on her, it’s extremely easy to get jealous and suspicious. She never explained, and I never asked. Instead I became more demanding for reassurance, showing resentment over the way I had been treated, but many times I have been disappointed with how our conversations went astray rather than the way I wished it would be. I’m still not detached from all the insecurities that she has created, and all questions were left unanswered.

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She’s just somebody that I used to know. I miss her even when I’m talking to her. So I decided to end it all. I started going out with girls whom I met in italiannies, night clubs and snooker clubs. I enjoyed hanging out with them, in fact they are sooo good in every way and some of them are even way hotter and attractive than her. Having a few dates here and there and I could really see myself changing. They helped me forget her. Because yes, I cant stop the fact that I still love her. I wanted to be a good boyfriend, i have so much love to give, but I’m not given the chance. Now, it’s not up to me anymore. If she wants me in her life, she’s gotta find a way to put the pieces back again, and reassure me that I'm not doing something of futility.

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The point is, a relationship will only work when both parties are willing to put forth an effort. It's evident now that I was the only one committed to it. Many of us, rather than remaining faithful for years, would go into an open dating policy.

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Why?

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Because no one is willing to take the risk. After all, there are too many uncertainties in life, and life itself has all it has to offer. We never really know. We may think that as long

as we loved each other, nothing will ever come between us. However, bear in mind that your partner might not be as optimistic about the chances of sustaining a LDR, and obviously, one-sided effort will not keep the spark alive. Plus, temptation is always there, and sadly, you are too far away to do anything.

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Even if you opt to be together, one person will likely have to make a sacrifice. This may require sacrificing an education plan, a job, friends or family. Will you be willing to forgo all these?

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But then again, sometimes 2 person need to be apart to realize how much they need to be together. Distance does help you remember all the little things, and the moments together would be much more valuable and cherished. The moments I spent with her in Sunway Pyramid is still vividly echoing in my mind. I missed it so fucking much.

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Well, from my point of view, I do not believe that in an LDR, ‘distance’ is the core problem of a break up. Me and her didn't make it because we do not have a strong love foundation to begin with. But i think if both parties are willing to make a commitment to foster love between themselves, no matter what, nothing is quite impossible. Everything is in our hands. If we want it to happen, it will.

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Here’s a piece of advice, for those who never made it in LDR.

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You cannot assume there will be a happy ending. You can’t let someone to have too much of an influence on you. Love them. Care about them. But do not become obsessed, and DON'T FORGET the other things and people in your life. I’ve come to realized that dwelling on someone you can’t have, just makes you want them more. When you start thinking about other stuff, and less about them, you realize you may not even really want them in the first place. Sometimes it is just a passing feeling. We tend to overlook it because we are in love with them.

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Sometimes, the hardest thing to let go of is the one you never really had.

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Cheers*