Random thought of the day

-

-

-

I think we are born to be other-seeking beings. After all, we do live in a society that comprises of individuals inevitably interacting with one another. Whether we like it or not, I think that we are not built to live in total, absolute seclusion. Maybe that’s why we seek friends, acceptance, we yearn to travel, or learn a new language, or express emotions such as anger and hate and their counterparts. Maybe that’s why love is always a central theme, the reason why we seek to be with that person.

-

But, as someone has once so pessimistically told me, at the end of the day we have no one but ourselves to count on. And maybe it’s not just some bitter bout of words but a stingingly cynical reality. Or for the optimists out there, a genuine opportunity for self. Which ever way you’d like to put it.

-

And these past few days, I’ve been so caught up in my activities and in all my uni work that when my world suddenly stopped spinning for just a nanosecond, I found myself alone in the middle of all the noise and the hustle and bustle and people. And I felt sad. For no apparent or logical reason. That made me think whether I can actually be lonely is a sea of people I know quite well, whether I can actually be lost in the familiarity of my everyday.

-

-

-

True, I’ve been so tangled up with the things I do and chose to do, and I couldn’t help but felt an indistinct hollowness. I realized that I missed being busy with the things I enjoy doing. The sheer high I get, for that giddy feeling, the adrenaline rush, and the contentment you can’t get from doing an obligated chore. I miss jogging under the stars, I miss late night calls, I miss talking to my friends over a couple of coffee, I miss reading a good book of my choice (not some class requirement), I miss driving in the middle of the night playing my favorite music. And being busy with those things is unlike any other busy feeling, it’s a kind of busy that you’d rather be busy with always.

-

-

-

Today, I walked home (another thing I love doing) and I felt aimless. Like I wanted to do something, like go to the mall, or hang out with a friend yet I didn’t feel up to it. Weird. I ended up texting a good friend of mine and things got a tad clearer. A gym workout also helped. And maybe there are times that we are meant to feel alone because somewhere in that lost feeling we get to understand little by little about ourselves and what is and who are important to us.

-

-

-