Happy 21st =]

If life is like a race, at the age of 21, when arrive at the pit stop, expecting refueling and tires change, the mechanics would tell you, ‘You’ve watched us long enough, now do it on your own.’

The point is simple. After 21 years of being sheltered, it’s time to start taking matters into your own hands.

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Despite months of anticipation, when the big 2-1 is finally here, it still came as a shock to me, like omg dude, I’m fucking 21.

Considering the leaps and bounds that I’ve made, I’m glad that I did not choose the less travelled route. For English is finally getting into my stride, though I still can’t speak very well. No more spindly arms and legs. Still full of crap, but no longer the target for clique discrimination.

At the very least, I’m content with the person I have turned out to be.

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For some odd reason, however, at times I still feel like I have not changed at all, exemplified by numerous distraught nights I spent on self pity indulgences like looking at old pictures, watching a sad movie, or calling an ex, leaving me pretty little time for anything productive. And most of the times really, I don’t know what I’m depressed about.

Especially after a long day of work, or after a massive event, when I get home, I have a tendency to snap.

Perhaps it’s because what I set out to be was distinctly different from whom I really am. I’m not totally cut out for this. I like the feeling of these cognitive emotions, such as sorrow and love. And while I suppress this sentiment as I clamber my way up to my goals, increasingly, I’d miss these sentimentalities, and it’s harder to fend off each time. The further I wander off my comfort zone, the more I desire to dwell in it.

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True, it’d be so much easier to just turn a blind eye to this matter. After all, it’s me being myself, reminiscing about what I’ve been through, where I came from and whom I used to be. I could just lay back and trap myself in oblivion, regarding issues that revolve around me, or drink a coffee during the economic crisis and be totally comfortable w myself.

But looking back 5 years from now, will I love myself for taking the easy route? No I won’t. I know better than anyone that I’m holding onto what I should have let go of long ago, and it needs to be rectified, as being 21 year old means no room for such meaningless course.

No room for any weakness.