Connection

This is written by one of my bros, Samantha Liew. It's very well written so I wanna share w everyone.

Hope it's ok!! Here it is:

This piece is a personal investigative essay, as it is concerned with the nature of communication and connection in a modern world. My personal experience, particularly my long-distance relationship, will be used as an example to illustrate how strange it is that we often feel less connected with these technological innovations.

Ding ding. Ding ding. I looked away from my laptop screen and saw my white hand-phone illuminating. It was a text message from Chern, “Babe, free to chat on Skype?” I instantly replied, “Give me 5 minutes.”

I turned my attention back to the laptop screen and logged on to Skype. Doo doo doo doo doo. Dooooooooo. The image of a tanned and well-built guy popped up on the screen. I felt a smile tug at the ends of my lips,

“Heyyy…”

“Hey,” said Chern with a hint of monotony.

“How was your day?”

“Ok, so so. Went to uni and then went to the gym straight after that. I just finished dinner.”

“Cool.”

Although he was staring straight at the computer screen I knew he wasn’t looking at me. He shifted his eyes to the keyboard and I could hear the rhythmic tapping of the keyboard. He would pause every now and then, and then resume typing. Ok, what was the point of me coming on Skype to talk to him if he was busy with something else? He just makes me feel less important when his eyes pace from left to right across the screen whilst typing away. It’s like I’m not even there. I’m just a part of the computer. But that’s the reality.

“So,” I began. Does your mum want anything from here?”

“Umm I think she wants…” Suddenly Chern’s image froze and I couldn’t hear anything from his side. He unfroze.

“Sorry Chern, I didn’t catch that. Skype was acting up.”

“I don’t want to repeat myself again.”

“It’s not my fault that skype hanged. Could you please repeat it again?”

“Forget it, you just never listen.”

“But skype hanged, how can it be my fault?”

“I don’t want to argue anymore. I have a lot of work to do now. Anyway, you never try to have a meaningful conversation with me.”

I felt tears brim my eyes. He sighed and the call dropped. Or either he purposely put it down. The latter seems very likely.
Mum says that I’m lucky to exist in this era with all these technological innovations, such as Skype. She’s right though. It’s so easy to keep in touch with someone through different ways, such as e-mailing, “Skyping”, calling someone, chatting via MSN etc. In fact, in our modern world there are so many companies which advertise these communication methods which all say “Keep in touch with your loved ones”. Although this phrase has been overused it’s still a good marketing gimmick to grab the attention of those who are away from home. This includes purchasing phone cards, which reduce the cost of international calls. It’s so cheap to keep in touch with people now through these means of communication.

However, there’s only so much one can say to another if they’re physically apart. When communicating through a medium it’s like telling a story or reporting daily events rather than spending time and experiencing events together. It is almost impossible to enjoy spending time together communicating through these mediums with the lack of physical presence. These modern innovations are merely nothing more than programmes and machines. This means that to the other person we are communicating with through these mediums, we are nothing more than programmes and machines to them. It’s so easy for them to shut us out of their lives, as all they have to do is turn off the computer, put down the phone, or ignore us completely. By doing this continuously, we will lose our personal connection with them for good.

I don’t know how Mum and Dad kept their relationship going strong without free calls on Skype when they were apart years before I was born. Dad was working in Malaysia and Mum was working in New Zealand. I remember once when I was about 9 years old I accidentally fell through Mum’s dressing chair. Luckily the seat was only a lid and I was too small to get my bottom stuck in the wooden box/seat. I lifted up the seat/lid and found a bundle of old photographs of different places, around New Zealand I reckon, and letters scattered all around the box. I read a few of their love letters to one another, which were so full of passion. Dad would start off his letters with “Darling” and in one letter Mum wrote, “I can’t wait till we’re reunited so we can be Husband and Wife again”.

My parents kept in touch through letters and their love remained strong. If they could do it why can’t Chern and I do the same? We could try writing letters to each other, but it would only be more difficult to bear, not being able to hear each other’s voices for almost eight weeks at a time. But maybe it’s because they were slightly older than us and more mature. Or maybe it’s because letters are more personal, as you have a piece of that person with you in your hands as you read it. Touching that piece of paper is almost like touching that person, because you’re bound to touch the same places on that paper as them. Their handwriting is there written down especially for you as opposed to the modern, easier and faster substitute.
What if it involved both cases - that they were more mature than us, and writing letters is the most personal form of communication?

Typing things out on the computer can easily be done and sent via mail or e-mail, although it’s not your handwriting and is a superficial form of your writing’s font and shape. The text you have typed is a product of both you AND the computer, not just you. It’s not just typing things out on the computer. Even calling someone and sending a text message involves a medium. You can’t store those very words the person has said because the person has not written them down especially for you in the case of a phone call. Sending someone a text message via a mobile phone is quick and inexpensive, although it can come across as cold at times. Marcuse (1941) says that the presence of modern technology has shaped social relationships. To put it simply, wherever a medium is involved it plays and important part in the relationship between people who rely on it heavily to keep in touch.

As the saying goes, absence makes the heart fonder. But does it really? What about friendships and intimate relationships? Don’t they eventually fall apart until you’re left with very few friends or if your relationship breaks up? It seems to me, at times like these, that absence is just another way to encourage people to ignore, and slowly forget, each other. These communication methods do assist in helping people keep in touch, but only to a certain extent.
A counter-argument to this would be that you only know who your real friends are after you’ve been apart from them for a long time, and you know that your partner is the one for life.

Long distance-relationships are difficult in particular. Aunty Lynette once told me that men tend to be indifferent when they’re away from their partners. Most females I’ve spoken to have said the same thing. Technological development has definitely not been able to make things easier between the Chern and I. Skype unintentionally makes C more emotionally remote. My webcam is a barrier between the both of us. I try to reach out to him, but it’s of no use. He’s told me before he’s only better with communicating to people face-to-face. He’s always like this when I’m away from home, and he only transforms into that boy I first fell in love with when I’m back home. When we talk on Skype he’s looking at the monitor screen, he’s not looking into my eyes. I know this because our eyes don’t meet when we talk online. It feels as though it’s been forever since we’ve had proper eye contact.
It’s just like Heidegger’s (2010) saying: “The will to mastery becomes all the more urgent the more technology threatens to slip from human control”. Skype has control of my relationship with Chern, especially since I try to recreate things to match up to how we are when we’re physically together with each other.

‘Should I call him back?’ I thought. ‘I know I shouldn’t because when he’s in a foul mood it’s best to leave him alone so he can cool down and, hopefully, think about what he’s done wrong and apologise.’ However, I didn’t care if it was wrong to call him again. I just really needed some form of his presence, even if it was a superficial form. The only way to get through to him was to apologise. I had to swallow my pride and give in, even though I knew I wasn’t at fault. I called him again. I wasn’t surprised to see his annoyed face, “What is it?”

I managed to utter through my blocked nose, “I’m sorry baby. I miss you.”

“Mmm.”

A moment of silence passed between us. My heart pounded really hard against my chest. I didn’t know what to say to him. Although I didn’t want to end the conversation on skype and wanted his company, I felt really scared of him. I was scared of what he would say, and of what I should say to him. I’m never scared of him when we’re together, but Skype somehow brings out the fact that he can be very intimidating. It’s when we talk on Skype that I worry about losing him.

His eyes were fixed on the screen, but I know he wasn’t looking at my webcam as he was busy typing away. Every few seconds he would pause, and I would hear the click of the mouse. I grabbed a textbook to read while waiting for him to say something. Every few minutes I’d look up at the laptop screen to see if he was going to start a conversation, or to find an opportunity to say something. This went on for about half an hour.

“Baby, you ok?”

I looked up and nodded my head. He looked very sympathetic, “I don’t like it when you cry. It makes me sad and angry because I’m not there with you. I can’t hug you when I really want to. I’m sorry for getting angry at you.”

“It’s ok.”

“You know I love you, right?”

Those words made everything seem ok.

However, it would have been perfect if I were with him at that very moment. I know we’re going to argue again, but it’s just a matter of when. Like I said earlier, the personal essence which has been robbed by Skype makes it difficult for us. There is no such thing as the perfect substitute for someone’s presence.