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I’m seriously very susceptible to my emo-ness. Considering the fact that I have only 15days left to study, divide by 5 subjects, I have only 3 days for each subject. I should be terrified right now, but here I am sit brooding for hours on trivial thoughts.
And when I finally managed to bum my ass on a chair, flip open my textbook, it rekindled and started bombarding me with a steady stream of emo thoughts again. My whole body spasm-ed. Eventually I succumbed to it and took a detour to do something else that will keep me distracted.
Yes. It was this bad. Just a few hours ago, it culminated and I decided to call someone for humane treatment. As I was hovering between my contacts, it hit me in the head and I suddenly realized the root of all problems. I gained back a good grip on my senses, and have com to realize the fact that, I was never good on my own.
That brings me to why I have multiple relationships. And in the end of a relationship, I’d embark on a rebound. I’m the type of person who just has to like someone.
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To me, we human can be categorized into two: one who live for others, and one who live for himself.
Me, someone who live for others, wouldn’t spend more than 100 bucks on myself. But for others, I could be very giving.
The thing is, I wouldn’t work so hard for myself. I’d take things easy. I wouldn’t be as determined in pursuing my goals if there wasn’t anyone special behind me to motivate me. I’m propelled to do things by others. Since young, I used to study a lot and got really good grades. Because as a middle child in the family, I feel compelled to do so to be appreciated by my parents. But when I no longer see the need of it, I goofed off and become stupid. I take up self improve programs in order to be more compatible for my love ones. But when it comes to an end, I’d slack off again.
And now that there’s no particular person that I truly like right now, I feel lost. I feel so miserable. I feel like, there’s no purpose in life anymore. I’ve become very demotivated to do anything.
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What the FUCK have I been doing man!! All this while, I have been completely dependent on someone else to engross in whatever I do, and whatever I have been doing is on the needs of others. How can i be so FUCKING stupid for such a long duration?!
If you have this sort of misconception, be smart and quickly dissipate it, reconsider other purpose in life and don’t let it fret your mind cloud your brow. Listen to what my beloved friends say:
Joanna: study the fuck out of your brain, be very smart so u can say this safely: fuck you bitch! Look what you just missed out on!
Misha: you continue being like this there is every likelihood that you’d end up a loser which will only prove to her that she was right to leave you
Rianne: you don’t need anyone to complete you, to be yang sik
Wendy: suffer now and when the day you become fucking successful, you will no longer need to pick up chicks; they’ll flock to you
They sound like my world is revolving around girls and girls only, which is so wrong. But other than that, whatever they say is true. And thank you, Sarah and Michelle, for listening to my long tedious rants. I feel a lot better now.
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2 comments:
was browsing thru one girl's blog and found yours, not stalking, dw.
btw, you're not the only one who's like that, i think im similar in certain areas as well. its pretty damn bad, lol jo shouts at me bout it :P i'd rather have the temporary than have nothing at all :) maybe because im never good on my own too, im not even sure if i was ever on my own eversince the first break up.
eventually you'll get better, this phase wont stop repeating itself unless u change yourself. but i guess adapting is always easier than change. sucks eh.
Hey bro,
Wad u wrote is exactly what I am like as well. I wouldnt go a 100% for myself but I would go a 110% for someone i really care about. Man, we are all still stuck in this depressing merry go round of dejavu..
We've both been through alot of shit albeit not together but our experiences are somewhat in that general area. Talk to you soon bro. Take care.
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