Studying abroad I

I like to do flashbacks. Or write a diary. Because it helps to remind me of the things that I used to wish for, what and whom is important, and not taking them for granted when in possession.

My flight back to Malaysia is only two weeks away. Somehow, I'm not very excited at all. Although the frigidity of the weather here does not really fancy me a lot now, I can't help but to think that this was what I used to wish for during the scorching days in Malaysia (only if I could bring back Britain's wind w me).

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Studying abroad is definitely a life changing process, a self evaluation course that gauge your capability to cope with problems on your own. By that I don't mean spending extravagantly to compensate for your incapability to live on your own, or living off the grid because you simply could not understand UK accent. That would defeat the whole purpose of studying abroad.

I've learnt a lot throughout these 9 months. I have come to realise how much effort my parents have put forth to look after me all these while, and I am now more sure of the ways they love me. Looking back now, I feel terribly sorry for both of my parents to have rebelled against them when all they have been trying to do was to ensure that I'm going towards the right direction.

I also learnt that being an independent person is not just about taking matters into your own hands and fulfilling them. It's about making sure yourself is a good person, to make sure you do not deviate from both personal's values and society's values.

And what Rianne said is true. If you don't have anything nice, keeping your mouth shut would be the best resort. If you only have words that drip w malice or sarcasm but poorly hidden behind the pretense of a joke, you'd be better off just keeping quiet.

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'Bro, when are you coming back?'

'On the 14th mate'

'Need a ride from KLIA?'

'Nah, my family is picking me up. Thx thou.'

At that moment, I felt a tug at the end of my lips. Truth is, I haven't even got a confirmation of my transportation from my family. Throughout these 9 months, I have written off some people, gained a few trustworthy friends, lost a few. But there are things that remained constant, friends and family.

And it's always a nice feeling to know that they'll always be there, and they are waiting for you.

random

Not wanting to ruin another delightful day w revision, I decided to take a stroll around the park next to my residence. It's been approximately 3 weeks of incessant reading, I deserve some time-off to myself.

I was the only solitary patron in the park. I sprawled on the grass, quietly indulging in my favourite music. For 8 good months I've been living in the UK. However sometimes, I still find it hard to believe.

My family isn't rich. My dad is an average businessman and my mom is an owner of a very modest chinese hawker stall in Kepong. Being said that, I never thought since young that one day the likes of me would ever set foot into a western country. Studying in the UK was such a well nigh unfeasible dream, yet here I am.

I sat up and I observed the people. Friends sharing laughters. Couples glued to hips.

I used to be secure enough to embark on doing things in solitude, because I know being alone was only an option to me.

But recently after Misha's departure, I cant help but starting to feel somewhat miserable and pitiful, that maybe, nobody just gives a rat's ass. I began to question myself, have I really been a good friend to anyone?

We are but performers of the stage of life.

We do not know what lies ahead of us,

what we gonna do, or what's gonna happen.

We can only anticipate,

and play our respective roles in the show, form our own stories.

If life is about making decisions, then I would say, the decisions we make everyday, are not entirely by our own choice, but by chance, how we decided to react accordingly to our life's happenings which we have absolutely no control over.

I'm saying this now because I'm diagnosed lung cancer.

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Just kidding. I'm pregnant.

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I'm happy, not necessarily content

I love this pic a lot

I love emo blogs.

But I always wind up reading my own emo posts because no one really do emo blogging.

People tend to blog about their daily doings. Like one of the blogs I've stumbled upon talked about how they went to have lunch in Italiannies.

Like who the fuck cares lah!

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I was facebooking and I saw a change of relationship status from one of my close friends, Ryan.

And it's time like this where I ask myself,

What do I do wrong?

Because seriously facepalm*, I'm still stuck wandering aimlessly in the forest, doing what all other single man would commonly do, except w less and less company as my close friends are slowly one by one engaging in a relationship.

This is the worst thing God can ever do to me.

'Karma for fucking around dude, oneday all your friends are going to get married and move on with their lives and you'll be left all alone.' says Misha.

Ok, it may have played a role in it, but I'm really not a huge karma enthusiast. I believe everything happens for a perfectly logical reason. Like if you bounced a ball against the wall and it hits you back, it's not necessarily because God wants to fuck you up.

It's because wall is of concrete object that it is not very 'momentum absorbent' and being said that, it is likely to bounce back the ball at its full momentum, depending on the velocity you inflicted (p=mv).

That's right =] .

Well, it's not like there's no presence of girls in my life at all. It's just that as much as I want to, there are specific sets of traits that I yearn for, but as of now, none of the girls I know have any of which and they are simply just not the kind of girl I like to be with.

And if at the very beginning

I can already anticipate an end in that particular relationship,

I'd rather not embark on it at all.

Just like how I love smoking but I always make sure I smoke Davidoff. No other alternative. Only the best.

I have so much love to give. I just haven't met the right person.

Wherever you are, I just want you to know, that I cant wait! <3