I wrapped up my work, loosened my tie and switched off the computer. It was time to go for tonight’s college gathering.
'I'll see you tom,' I pulled J closer and kissed her. 'Sorry I can't drop you home tonight, I have a gathering to attend to.'
'Where to?'
'It's at Alexis, Mid Valley.'
She paused for a few seconds, and asked
'Can I follow you?'
I did not wish to alienate J. In fact, under normal circumstances, I would gladly bring her along to my social outings. However, my former prom date - and my former crush - was going to be there. And I swear to god, for all honorable intentions, I did not want to tell her.
'I wont be joining you, I just want to do some shopping,’ she said.
I was a little baffled by her. Maybe she knew what was going on, as I did not trust that her sudden shopping spree was genuine. But I did not know how to say no.
'Alright' I said. 'When you are done w your shopping, just come and join us. And if they so happen to ask, just say you are my girlfriend.'
'Actually, there is something I've been meaning to ask you. What am I to you?’
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There is a downside to casual romances. Sometimes it stops being casual. Though usually there is a preliminary consensus of agreement among two parties, when one person's expectation exceeds another, the person would start seeking reassurance, or embark on commitments, in the hopes of winning back his/her fair share of treatment.
I wont deny it. I love casual romances. Not only do they help replenish my 'emotion bucket', I always tend to get off scott-free. And most importantly, I had nothing to lose.
At least, it was what I believed back then.
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Once at Mid Valley, J and I went our separate ways. I folded my sleeves up high, to the extent where it subtly revealed the curl of my biceps. It had been more than 2 years I last saw that bitch. To me, it wasn't just a gathering. It was more like a 'Serves you right bitch, this is what you missed out on' payback session. I had to put up my best game.
So when I reached their table I greeted everyone, except for her. Never acknowledge your target at the start. I then turned to look at her and smiled. That was my first encounter with ‘the prom-date’ ever since prom, whom I had gladly waited for a good hour to see her make her way to me gracefully from the gate in her long, black gown.
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The game sets a precedent. If you adore someone, go out and fuck a dozen other chicks, and then see if the flower is still so special. To which I did.
But at that moment, for the very first time, I questioned the credibility of the game. What if the cure for such obsession turns out to be the venom that aggravates the situation? What if sleeping w a dozen chicks conversely accentuate the person's prominence, and you end up falling deeper?
When a player learns how to control social situation in clubs, it will lead to a mindset that everything in life is a game and every predicament could be manipulated to the player's advantage. But somehow that night was a complete disaster. My game evaporated before her eyes. Despite the experiences I’ve acquired from being an alpha-male, they did not seem to aid a tad bit. In fact, it made things even harder w her.
What if the actions I deemed to be the alpha-male’s ways to deal things all these while are preventing me from getting the outcome that I wanted?
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About an hour later, I called J to join us at the table. When I handed her a scoop of tiramisu, instead of letting me feed her, she helped herself by snatching the spoon from me. To my surprise, J seemed rather distant with me around my friends.
I couldn’t blame her. Instead, I felt so sorry for J. She wanted to make a statement to my friends.
Apart from getting my reputation smirched (which I couldn’t be bothered with), I always thought the game was something that I could constantly pull off w apparent impunity. But what I failed to notice was, due to all the shit that I’ve done, there will always be a social stigma attach to any chicks that hang out w me, and I hate to see her bearing the consequences of my own actions.
Because unlike all other girls, I really liked her.
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True, the game prepares you to be the life and soul of the party. With the right scripted ice breakers, w the right pickup lines, and w the right body language, you'll be well on your way in procuring random hook-ups.
However, the sheer highness derived from these random hook-ups can only last this long. It's like filling up a bucket w a hole in it. Eventually, it flows out. And there will come a point where you’ll need to find a girl to fill up that hole indefinitely.
But the question is, even if you have found the right girl, and she is willing to magnanimously overlook your past promiscuity, would you be able to face her w a clear conscience? Would it be safe for you to think that you are the rightful person for the kind of love she could offer?
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I told Ben how I felt that night. He said,
‘At least you got her as your prom-date.’
Perhaps, when I waited for her at the vegetarian hawker stall for lunch everyday, when I scooped the fried thingy that she loves onto her plate, when I showed her the song w both our names in it, there was no sequence of maneuvers, nor was there any prepared routine behind it.
Maybe that time, I did not see it as a game.
-YgGuo
