Random thought of the day

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I think we are born to be other-seeking beings. After all, we do live in a society that comprises of individuals inevitably interacting with one another. Whether we like it or not, I think that we are not built to live in total, absolute seclusion. Maybe that’s why we seek friends, acceptance, we yearn to travel, or learn a new language, or express emotions such as anger and hate and their counterparts. Maybe that’s why love is always a central theme, the reason why we seek to be with that person.

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But, as someone has once so pessimistically told me, at the end of the day we have no one but ourselves to count on. And maybe it’s not just some bitter bout of words but a stingingly cynical reality. Or for the optimists out there, a genuine opportunity for self. Which ever way you’d like to put it.

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And these past few days, I’ve been so caught up in my activities and in all my uni work that when my world suddenly stopped spinning for just a nanosecond, I found myself alone in the middle of all the noise and the hustle and bustle and people. And I felt sad. For no apparent or logical reason. That made me think whether I can actually be lonely is a sea of people I know quite well, whether I can actually be lost in the familiarity of my everyday.

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True, I’ve been so tangled up with the things I do and chose to do, and I couldn’t help but felt an indistinct hollowness. I realized that I missed being busy with the things I enjoy doing. The sheer high I get, for that giddy feeling, the adrenaline rush, and the contentment you can’t get from doing an obligated chore. I miss jogging under the stars, I miss late night calls, I miss talking to my friends over a couple of coffee, I miss reading a good book of my choice (not some class requirement), I miss driving in the middle of the night playing my favorite music. And being busy with those things is unlike any other busy feeling, it’s a kind of busy that you’d rather be busy with always.

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Today, I walked home (another thing I love doing) and I felt aimless. Like I wanted to do something, like go to the mall, or hang out with a friend yet I didn’t feel up to it. Weird. I ended up texting a good friend of mine and things got a tad clearer. A gym workout also helped. And maybe there are times that we are meant to feel alone because somewhere in that lost feeling we get to understand little by little about ourselves and what is and who are important to us.

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FML IV The Common Room Incident

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Look. When you study abroad, you'll meet many people of different ethnicity: British, Colombians, Spanish, English, Chinese etc. BUT, there's only one and only one ethnicity that sticks out from the rest, because people of that particular ethnicity share a very conspicuous trait:

Kauum pertamah yg saye kata tadi, hui dei fucking mou lou sohai dou yiu sei man!! (google translate it, if you can!)

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If you wanna go out and get trashed, drink your beer from your shoe, puke all over your bed, lei yiu zhou gai, lei yiu zhong STD, that is COMPLETELY FINE w me you know.

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BUT DON'T YOU FUCKING PEE IN THE COMMON ROOM WHERE IT ALSO BELONGS TO OTHER INTELLECTUAL HUMAN BEING LIKE ME!

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It was too late. The puddle of piss has already evaporated. Now they have to change the whole carpet.

But this is not the best part. Behold.....

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New fucking beer bottles from the following night!

Like, how the fuck on earth can you have another party in that kind of rubbish dump besieged by piss everywhere?!

Like, how fucking stupid can you get?!

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Happy birthday Misha!

We've been so close to each other ever since we met, like cigarette and lighter, fork and spoon. Much to my indignation, people always misinterpret us as a couple, which is sooo like a wishful thought of yours and obviously you hadn't collected enough good karma from your past life to be my girlfriend.

But seriously, I can't emphasize enough how grateful I am to have known you. Even at times when I was being an asshole and pissing you off, you'd still bring out cheeky, smirky laughs on your face and put up w me. (Sometimes I did technically have the moral high ground, but you probably will not agree with this so if that's the case just forget it )

And even when I look like a complete sakai Eskimo in worn-out shirts, ripped jeans, old crocs-ish sneakers, you’ll still hug me in the middle of the street. Awww... Although it was late at night and there was no one else around to see but awwwww...

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They may think you are promiscuous.

They may think you go out and get hammered all the time.

They may think you are Serena Van der Woodsen.

But we all know the truth. Joanna, Liz, Ash, Jon, Sean, Chern, Jason, Harjun,we all know who you really are. We all know you are just someone who likes to waste money on generic branded items that are only visually nice (some are only nice to touch), and someone who pulls off the loudest burp at anytime, anywhere. But apart from that, you are cool brotha!

And I feel deeply sorry for those who have deemed you that way, as they will never realize how great a friend you could be, and how much happiness your retarded laugh can bring forth to thaw someone's grumpy mood.

But we know we shouldn't bother. Let them continue making this costly mistake, their loss anyway.

I love your quirks and eccentricities. I love your fucktardness. Although you are super annoying sometimes, make sympathetic voices over things I'm delirious about, and you make me follow you to places like Miss Selfridges, I still love you and I always will =]

Anyway, no matter what you say, I have a huge cock and strong libido even 50 years from now.

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To my Best Friend, also my Best Female Wingman,

Happy Birthday!

ps: don't die before you meet Misha, as I think she's one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

(the best thing that could happen to you is meeting me)

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Toilet Paper

Again I went to ASDA to do groceries shopping. And then I came across a very unique toilet paper.

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I looked at it and I wonder.

What is this puppy doing here?

And why do they want their asshole to smell like aloe vera?

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So I bought it.

FML III The Cig Incident

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I'm really riled up now sorry if my words are inappropriate.

I don't even care if they are reading this. I think, not a few, not majority, but ALL UK citizens are fucking stupid. They are either too lacking of exposure or they simply just have limited brain cells. If you live here long enough, you'll find that even the very fundamentals of development of any country like for instance banking system is really fucked up.

For those foreign students who study here, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Nonetheless, I should not blame the system. I should blame the people who run the system.

Forget about my experience in the bank. Let's go back to 5 minutes from now, the scene is a convenient shop near my residence hall.

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YgGuo: Hi. Malboro lights please. The small packet.

Sohai: Hi. Can I have a look at your ID?

YgGuo: Sure.

I took out my driving license and explained:

YgGuo: The numbers down here is my date of birth. The number 89 indicates the year I was born......(uhuh uhuh) and the number 10 is the month.... (yes yes) and 26 is the date...(oh I see)

Sohai: But it doesn't have your date of birth.

YgGuo: I just mentioned to you...this is my date of birth. Here, the number 89 indicates the year...

Sohai: I'm sorry but your date of birth needs to be stated on your ID

YgGuo: Dude, this is my driving license, it is common sense that a driving license holder is 18years old plus. That is why date of birth is unnecessary to be stated.

Sohai: Well, in some countries their minimum driving age is less than 18 years old

YgGuo: Hey look! It's Malaysian Flag! It's not of some of the countries you are talking about.

Sohai: Yea but I still need to see your date of birth. Maybe you can bring your passport or whatever documents w your date of birth

Bring your mom la!

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Random

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I wonder if all foreign students feel the same way. I find that most of the friends that I've made here, they are more like my drinking/ clubbing partners rather than a friend that I could actually connect w. So in Manchester if it wasn't Friday/ Saturday night I basically quarantine myself and live off the grid, and these are the moments in life where everything you see becomes a reminiscer:

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As I walked to my University, it reminds me of the convenience of having a car.

As I stepped into the kitchen, it reminds me of how my meal was always readily available for consumption back in Malaysia.

As I came home from clubbing, thou I'm no longer bounded by curfew, it hurts me a lil inside knowing that there's no one waiting for my return.

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Guess absence breeds appreciation.

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Happy birthday to myself

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Frankly, the idea of birthday celebration wasn't too appealing to me at the beginning. Well, don't get me wrong. I do take it seriously, because it is an awesome excuse to throw a massive party and get wasted. Not only where people are obliged to show up, it is also good way of reconnecting w people that you have lost touch w and most of the time they'd overlook the fact that you have been ignoring them for the past events and be all grateful again.

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But apart from that, I don't think birthday parties really serve a purpose. All the generic birthday gifts and wishes, none of which means anything, especially when it's coming from those who barely come to you on a social call, and all of sudden out of nowhere they appeared in your life again, wishing you out of a sense of obligation than nothing else, in the hopes they would hitch a free ride in your awesome birthday party that you will be holding.

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On the other hand, giving the circumstances that there's a bunch of true friends genuinely willing to celebrate w you, this precedent happens year after year. Thus, even the best surprise party loses its novelty eventually. (and who the hell is still dumb enough to fall for a surprise party?)

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Ironically, I did. Cmon! Who the hell would expect a chinese restaurant in China Town to pull off the TGIF-like birthday song? It was definitely even more gratifying than the birthday party I had in one of the clubs in Manchester, all thanks to Misha, Alvaro and Tamara =]

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Henceforth, my point of view changes.

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I realized, no matter how your birthday may turns out should not be the prime subject to be taken into account, for those have put in lots of thoughts for every detail and they put forth effort in succeeding it.

Whereas being apart from my friends, birthday wishes and gifts make me feel very contented, knowing that being apart does not mean I am being forgotten.

And looking at them now, it makes me feel closer to my friends once more.

In one way or another, birthday celebrations make you feel that you are not alone in this world (unless you are celebrating it alone). They work as a reminiscer that reflects those feelings and experience you have had that particular year, and they convey the warmth from the people who have given thoughts about you, care for you.

And seeing the fact that they are not anywhere near me and yet still making such tremendous fuss about it, inside, I grinned. =]

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Age of 20 also means that I can no longer simply spend my time idly and continue living in denial that I could still take things easy like a teenager. Gotta face off w the responsibilities now. Or maybe next semester. Lol.

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ps: thanks for the birthday wishes/gifts people!

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A Ridiculous Grocery Shopping Experience

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Earlier just now I went to ASDA to do some grocery shopping. As I handed over my credit card and start packing my groceries, I noticed that I needed another bag. So I said to the receptionist.

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Me: Hey ya. Can I have a bag?

Hak Guai Poh:...(completely ignored me)

Me: Hey can I have another bag? (I repeated myself assuming it went unheeded)

Hak Guai Poh pretended to be busy.

Me: Excuse me?

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Hak Guai Poh suddenly recovered from her deafness and say: In UK we say please.

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I could not believe my ears. I stunted and stared at her for a few seconds. And then I laughed at her face w one side of my eye brown higher than the other. That was my WTF face and I still managed to get my bag. HAHAHA BITCH!

I'm not being racist, but seriously, I think black people has something against me. For more information please refer to A Ridiculous Exam Experience.

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The Climb

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Success is nearer than you thought

Don't give up on yourself as others have not

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Competence Equals Confidence

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I used to dissent from the saying: In life there is no shortcut. Because from what I saw in every aspect of life, there'd always been a shortcut, it's just the matter of whether you are able to discern it or not.

Take examinations for instance.

In the throes of preparing for my exams, instead of learning the whole subject I'd always dissect the past year papers and only read those topics to which are connected to the past year questions. I might not be the best student around, but I scored good grades w/o putting much efforts, and here I am studying in a much prestigious academic institution.

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However much I managed to cope, I've come to a significant realization that, I might be competent enough to sit examinations, but knowing that what I know is pretty much cukup makan sahaja, I have never ever been confident sitting examinations.

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I think, in order to do something right, it is imperative that competency and confidence exist contemporaneously. In other words, not only that you need the competency, the necessary skills and knowledge derived from devotion of your efforts, it is important to have the confidence to take action on your ability, to do what you know and use them to your full potential.

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Say, you are competent but you lack of confidence. The odds are that you'll be rattled whenever you hit a hurdle. Nervousness will find its way and creep on you easily whenever you come across w something you are unfamiliar with. You have no self belief at all and you are stuck.

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On the other hand, if you are incompetent and yet have unjustified confidence, I'd say it is a perfect recipe for disaster.

The other day my flatmate who remotely knows how to cook at all placed a cup noodle in the microwave w/o opening it and let it microwaved god knows for how long. The microwave then exploded, fire works here and there and set up the fire alarm. It was damn cool thou.

(Dear Flatmate if you are reading this please note that I have kept you anonymous and I love you)

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So guys, I know I don't sound like me at all, and you think you would never hear this from me in a million years but yes, you need to be more competent, you need to study. You might be confident that your future is all set. You may have liable connections, you may have a filthy rich dad who already mapped out everything for you, but if you don't have the necessary skills, don't delude yourself that success is at your hand.

Don't go getting delusions of grandeur. As confidence alone is not called confidence. It is called arrogance.

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In life, there may not be a shortcut. But there's a detour to a better outcome: hard work pays off, but smart work pays better, a practical advice I read from Roe's. Let's us all work hard together, be more competent than we are now so that in the time to come we could frighten the others w our achievements, stand straight w a surge of confidence and swagger in the utmost cocky way, underestimate others and say 'Fuck you in the face!'

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Ps: same thing goes to picking up chicks =p if you don't work (force yourself to approach them chicks), you'll never come by the confidence. I did. True story ;)

cheers*

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